Groundhog Day

I like routine. I like people fussing over me. I like it when my only decision of the day, is what to circle on the next meal’s menu.

I like getting these goofy hair wash caps with who knows what inside and scrubbing my scalp in the morning.

I like nice people. Nurses are really nice people. I could live on a planet with only nurses.

I like it when people know when to leave. It’s such an important life skill. When to come and when to leave. I’m good at the not stay too long part. I just need a little push to get there. I will work on that.

I had two visitors yesterday. My AA friend Mark and Jeff an old HS buddy. Perfect visitors.

Mark is a retired Navy nurse. I knew we could talk intelligently about what is going on with me. I got to complain a bit and he could relate. He’s also thoughtful. He brought me some gluten free trail mix.

Jeff is a coach, really smart, and cares lots about his health. Plus we went to HS together and he taught in the same HS as I did. He was a history/social studies guy. Also taught a class on Russia. He has a very high political IQ. Too high for me, but challenging conversation is good, especially in hospital. Any stimulation is good in here.

We had lots to talk about.

My friend Dave was here the last time I was in. Good visitor. I asked him if he needed my room number and he said, “Nah, I thought I would just walk through the main entrance and start hollaring your name!”

Funny. Funny is good in here, too. He has that talent for delivering perfect cynicism, with just enough smirk so you can see it’s not meant to be degrading at all. It was just what I needed. Good visitor. (He reads this so I had to write all that.) Wink.

Then there is my friend Frank. It is very easy for me to spend time with Frank. Comfortable, and I know he would never stay too long. We have that in common. I also know we both have brains that run wild a little. Plus, he knows a lot. Love it when people know a lot but don’t have to try and prove that to you. They might be the best kind of people.

One visitor, who will remain anonymous, with a room full of people, asked if he could say a prayer with me before he left. He is a really good friend and it was a nice gesture, but it didn’t sit right in my heart.

I said yes to be nice to him. I need to get better at saying no. I’ll think about that. I’m new to the pray thing.

Prayer is very personal to me. I can’t pray with just anyone. It’s probably not right to be this way. I will work on that, too. He did ask. I could have said no.

I have a friend who says she is a “heart” Christian not a “head” Christian. I like that. I don’t want to be anything out loud.

AA works on the principle of “Attraction not Promotion.” That is what fits for me with religion. I have grown into a strong Faith. You would have to ask me about that, just like you would have to ask me about AA.

If I let the whole world know I am in AA, (the whole world is not the 5 of you who read this!) when I mess up, and I do, it makes AA look bad. Maybe they will think that AA doesn’t work. That could turn away an alcoholic who needs the fellowship. The help.

I don’t think Christianity necessarily works like that. What do you think? If you see an overt Christian doing awful things, do you judge Christianity?

It’s wrong but I think I do. I’m going to try and not judge, just understand that we all have a role to play in our lives and on the planet. I believe that just like the Force is in the Jedi, I should listen to the voice in my heart; listen closely and try and act accordingly. I KNOW that I am sober and alive as a direct result of the Grace of my Higher Power, and it is my responsibility to live in response to that Grace.

So I stay quiet. Try to do the next Right thing in the place where my feet have chosen to put me.

Why did I call this Groundhog Day? I WAS going to be all cynical about the way the days have all strung together here in the hospital. Guess it wasn’t supposed to go that way.

How about that hair wash cap.

All In

P.S. My white cell and kidney numbers have become normal. I MAY GO HOME SOON!


5 thoughts on “Groundhog Day

  1. Praise the Force ! I’m with you on the praying thing. 1991,92,and some of 93 I was caring for my father who had leukemia bed ridden with nurses. And Moms Alzheimer’s was accelerating to the point where she would take off. I prayed alot then just for strength. Was even going to church too. One time during a Wed nite service(lent) I had a experience that had me shaking and crying. Over whelmed and anxiety set in but I felt good like a miracle had set in. Then I realized I just felt supported. Was sitting between two friends and they knew what I was going through. But I believed in God the spirit then and He’s with who needs him. I’m thankful but stay vigilant with what’s happening to Earth and my country. Anyway glad ur on mend . Hope ur HOME soon. Don’t like hospitals some times. Good blog. Our FORCE is always with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sober and alive as a direct result of the Grace of your Higher Power…that right there is true religion. All that other stuff, not so much. I think I asked you what hospital you were in. Did you reply?


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