What’s in a name?

I’m tired of All-In. I hear it so much. It’s become a sports “go to” phrase. Yuk. I’m going to be A.I. from now on. I have my own A.I. logo, thanks to my friend Terry. Looks like this.

The actual Appalachian Trail logo looks like this:

If you put a line on the “T” it turns into an “I.” Get it? A.I.

I thought at first I could just be “The hiker formerly know as All In. You know. Like Prince. I could just be the logo, but then how do I introduce myself? Stupid idea. Funny, but not right.

Then I thought, that I could go back to my first name, “Boom,” or my second name, “Hammers.” You might remember my toiling over what to be called, 6 years ago.

It’s now tomorrow:

Impulsivity. I have a love hate relationship with that one. “Hey, let’s just go and do or buy this!” A hike. A drink. A pastry. A drive to the beach. A cheeseburger. A bicycle. A guitar. Another pair of shoes. Still another pair of shoes. And on the list goes.

All my life I have been impulsive. Confident. “Let’s Go!” My mantra. I led that way. I played that way. I accomplished that way. It was fun. I loved it until…

I drank that way. I got hurt that way. Physically and emotionally. I got $40,000 in credit card debt that way. I married and divorced twice that way. I got in lots of trouble that way. The list could be very long.

Yesterday I was sick of my trail name. Today, I looked at this:

My friend Terry, the A.I. logo inventor, makes these lovely pieces of art. How could I ever change my name? She did these for me. She has done other larger Minions for me. She makes these so her brother, Rob, is not forgotten.

She has twice sent me 6 or so from South Africa. These RobRocks are all over the planet!!! I even have my own personal RobRock. It is so special. It has “All-In” written on it and the logo she designed. For me. All-In.

Yesterday, I thought about changing my name. I’ll never change my name. All-In has such special meaning for me from Sleeping Beauty (Kelly) to Flash to Terry. There are other people that I love, connected to “All-In.” Sailor, Icarus, Makaela and Quentin. Streamstopper. QuickDraw. Creeky Knees. Crazy Quilt. Megaphone. Sharkey. Pacemaker. Karma. Really special people. My AT Journey friends.

I’m All-In. Not some overused sports phrase. An AT hiker. All-In. Yes. I’m All-In.

I’m so glad I woke up sober today. For sooooooo many reasons. And so I didn’t change my Trail name.

All-In

PS. I have been really depressed this Spring and early Summer, only having occasional energized, active days. This year, the heat has finally gotten to me. Being me is really hard work sometimes. I have a lot to live up to. I have high personal standards. It’s good. I like that energized me. I’m getting back there. The VA hiking trip helped. I will be back soon. Writing is good. I don’t write when I am depressed. If I’m quiet, I’m not ok. I never lose my intellectual Gratitude. I need to move it back to my heart. It’s headed there. 🙋🏼🙂❤️