Ok. For the last 2 years I have turned feeling sorry for myself into a way of life.

First the gun in my face in South Africa.

Then the TIA.

Then we moved.

Then my heels.

All the while I’m entering the 8th decade of my life. I got so down. All I wanted to do was sit. Never in my life did I ever get that sedentary.

At this age, it’s harder to get and stay in shape and it’s faster and easier to get out of shape. I stopped caring. I stayed up too late. Woke up tired everyday. Ate too much food.

Why the balloons? I’m getting there…

I didn’t drink. I went to meetings almost daily. But I suffered inside.

So. I found a psychologist. Had a stress test and bloodwork done. Began having conversations with trusted friends. Checked out all the medications I take. And, as always, Landi has been fantastic. I’m so fortunate there…I felt guilty about making her life more difficult.

I began to share honestly at meetings and in therapy. Things got better. Then worse. Then even better.

Then a few days ago, I was sharing in a zoom AA meeting with 100 members attending.

Right in the middle of me bearing my soul and letting out all the bad thoughts and feelings…it happened.

Do you know that when you are using Zoom, a few very interesting things can happen. If you hold up a “thumbs up,” a translucent thumbs up appears on the screen. 👍 If you hold up two thumbs up, fireworks shoots off behind you! 👍👍 And if you hold up the Peace Sign, balloons come up through your screen in front and behind you! ✌️

Back to my share…

I was just about to finish speaking, when I put up two fingers, while explaining what my psychologist had said to me about the fact that I had really shared tough stuff with her “2 times.”

At that deep dark and feeling sorry for myself moment, I had 2 fingers up, and the baloons drifted up through my screen!

A beautiful spontaneous laugh came bubbling up through me! Then the whole room began laughing! It was PERFECT!

I felt great! Nearly joyous! It was a long time coming.

You know, my life is really good. I have so much to be grateful for, but it’s remarkable how bad it can look sometimes. In that balloon moment, it was like my glasses turned around. I clearly saw the good.

That AA group is called EAM. Expect A Miracle. Their most common phrase to new comers is, “Don’t quit before the miracle happens.”

Well, my new motto is, “Don’t quit before the balloons show up!”

A.I.