Written by Gray In The Woods

Resume Virtues or Eulogy Virtues

I’ve been way too obsessed with decline. Wondering how long I will be fit enough to “enjoy my life.” Why is it that I need to be fit to enjoy my life?

First let us define Doug fit. Doug fit is fit enough to do ALL the physical stuff I have always done to be happy, or maybe just to not feel unhappy. Doug fit is not attainable anymore. If I keep on like this I will be unhappy for the rest of my life.

It maybe be that I’m trying to achieve stuff that is really unimportant now. Resume stuff. How do I want to be remembered? What would I like my friends to say at my memorial celebration? Do I want them to say how great he was because he could still hike at 80, or do I want them to say he was a kind man?

I don’t know the honest answer to that question.

I have always judged myself in two ways as a person. I wanted to be the teacher and coach who was a great sportsman, but also a winner.

There are a few things that I always think about when I look back on my life. Things I am proud of. One was punching Larry Dimmig in the nose because he called my brother a retard. Another was when I was reminded by Nick Chubb that I rescued him, a sophomore football teammate, from being hazed by a couple of senior teammates, after a high school football practice. Nick reminded me of that some years ago. I had forgotten it even happened. I also stuck up for Brian Nichols when he was about to be beaten up by Tom Marks. I stepped in and told Tom to leave my friend alone. I was terrified at the time, but it was the right thing to do. Tom backed down. Thank Heaven. He would have beaten me up, too!

Those three memories make me feel way better about myself than hoisting any trophy after a championship season.

I have two teams that I truly love. One won a football championship and the other was a runner up for the PA State Volleyball Championship. There is a third. They maybe were a 5th place finisher at the States in Volleyball.

I guess it mattered that they won a lot, but they practiced hard and like they loved the games, and I loved them for it. They indeed understood what was really important. Playing and practicing hard, being good winners and losers, and caring about their teammates. I think I showed them how to be good sportsmen; they knew it was more important than any result.

My father taught me that. That is how I want to be remembered. As a good leader and a good friend.

Eulogy Virtues. Not the win loss records. Those are Resume Virtues.

Finishing the AT is a Resume Virtue. Being a good Husband, a good father, a good brother, and a good friend are Eulogy Virtues, right? (I’ve spelled Eulogy wrong 6 times now.)

I need to keep on that path now. I don’t need a resume anymore. That important truth is what I have lost sight of these last few years.

Age is irrelevant on the Eulogy Virtue road. As a matter of fact, it’s helpful.

No more huge goals. No more reaching for the gold ring. No more collecting equipment that will make me successful.

It’s time to give.

A.I.

P.S. Snowboards and surfboards gone. Almost. I kept one surfboard. I think I will be cremated with it. 🙂👍❤️

5 thoughts on “Resume Virtues or Eulogy Virtues”

  5. Your words reminded me of “The Dash” Poem by Linda Ellis. I think you’ve captured the importance of your impact on those around you…your dash.  I have to say, though, had you not been pursuing your “resume stuff “our paths would never have crossed.  I appreciate how you can express your thoughts and feelings (something struggle with) and how good your heart is. I am glad I am connected to a part of your dash.

    I read of a man who stood to speak
    at the funeral of a friend.
    He referred to the dates on the tombstone
    from the beginning…..to the end.

    He noted that first came the date of birth
    and spoke the following date with tears,
    but he said what mattered most of all
    was the “dash” between those years.

    For that dash represents all the time
    that they spent alive on earth.
    And now only those who loved them
    know what that little line is worth.

    For it matters not, how much we own,
    the cars….the house….the cash,
    What matters is how we live and love
    and how we spend our “dash.”

    So think about this long and hard.
    Are there things you’d like to change?
    For you never know how much time is left
    that can still be rearranged.

    If we could just slow down enough
    to consider what’s true and real
    and always try to understand
    the way other people feel.

    And be less quick to anger
    and show appreciation more
    and love the people in our lives
    like we never loved before.

    If we treat each other with respect
    and more often wear a smile,
    remembering that this special “dash”
    might only last a little while.

    So, when your eulogy is being read,
    with your life’s actions to rehash…..
    would you be proud of the things they say
    about how you spentYOUR dash?

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