I WROTE THIS DRAFT 9 MONTHS AGO…

Brooke, Doug, and Betty!

So here I am at 6am and I’ve had one cup of decaf. One cup of nothing. Decaf.

I may have Afib. I may have a plaque problem. I may have Bradycardia. Actually, I do have Bradycardia, but the problem is this. I want some regular coffee. Not tons of it. Actually, maybe just a cup or two of weak coffee.

I have trouble getting going in the morning. I’m s bad sleeper and a hyperactive person. Not a good combination although pretty common. We ADHDs don’t sleep well. I sleep through the night maybe 3 times a year. Maybe.

Anyway, what I want to say is, the internet sucks when it comes to important information. Some studies show caffein has no effect on heart rhythm disorders. Some show that it is a trigger for Afib. I suppose it depends on who is funding the study. I hate that. “Independent” studies, if their are any, are really hard to find.

My heart doc told me years ago to stop caffein. I did for a while.

Now is different. I had a TIA a week and a half ago. Mini Stroke. But a STROKE.

I feel so incredibly mortal now.

Yesterday I went for an 8 mile hike. Not alone. I don’t know when I will hike alone again. I’m afraid. If I fall and hit my head while taking blood thinners. Then what? I don’t want to think about that.

It was fun. I’m a kid again on the trail. Should I stop this? Am I able to give up on my goal to finish the AT? I don’t know this morning. I don’t think so.

I have a heart monitor attached to my chest. I turn it in to my cardiologist on the 18th. Then I will speak to my doctors and decide where to go from here.

I pretty much hate this.

More photos from yesterday…

Betty totally organized this hike. She is working on getting miles done in PA. PA is very rocky and hard. AT hikers hate PA. I don’t. It’s my home state! I texted Brooke and Todd and invited them at short notice. Todd was not able but Brooke had a day off. So cool, she came along. she is the niece of an old friend of mine and a genuinely lovely person and friend of both Betty and me. It was great to have her along. And she’s young, so good with her camera. All these photos are hers.

So. No coffee today. I guess I will live a day at a time with this vascular thing. What choice do I have? This is good for me. Every day is precious again, like when I got sober.

This is not my third chance. It’s my fifth or sixth chance.

I guess I can give up the coffee.

A-I