Drop The Rock

Ok. I’m wrong in the way I am right.

I’m right to always finish what I start. Maybe.

I’m right to never quit. Maybe.

I’m right to always lead by example. Maybe.

You get the idea, right? The problem is that using the words always and never are a bad idea. As a concept, all that stuff I just wrote is great. To live like that is not.

In 2016 I decided, not to hike, but to finish the Appalachian Trail. I got a tattoo. It’s a drawing of Mt Katahdin, with the day I began on my path to finish the AT. I left an open space for my completion date.

I played on a Championship HS football team. I played in an All-Star College football game in the Orange Bowl. I coached Volleyball to a bunch of District One Championships. Out Team got 1 point away from a State Championship. I coached HS Football until we won a Suburban 1 Championship. I Directed HS Theater until we won Best Production at the New Hope One Act Play competition. I drank alcohol compulsively until I got sober. I’m in my HS and College Hall of Fames.

Now. Truth is I never did any of that without tons of help from a whole bunch of people. Especially my Sobriety.

Let’s assume for a minute or to that there is a God. (I believe this.) I can’t really explain how I got to where I am in life without that assumption.

Now, there is a battle that we Believers struggle with; sometimes we know about the battle and sometimes it goes on without our knowledge.

God’s Will versus my will. Notice the caps. I hold on to what I’m sure is the correct path for too long sometimes. This concept in AA is sometimes called, “Not Dropping the Rock.” I heard a friend say one time that everything she lets go of has claw marks. I get it.

I am probably not going to finish hiking the Appalachian Trail. I hate that sentence. I’m most likely not finishing the Appalachian Trail. I hate that sentence even more. I’m not totally dropping this rock yet, but it’s nearly out of my hands. Literally.

I have a list of injuries and health problems that is long. A lot of it caused by my push to finish this physical goal for too long.

Like my coaching, nearly my whole life has been planned around a goal. It’s a great way to avoid other stuff, and to occupy my ADHD brain.

I’m going to Drop This Rock.

I will continue hiking for enjoyment now before I don’t want to or am unable to hike at all.

This will be really hard for me. I’ve written about this before I think. (Bad Memory) I mean it this time.

I’m not sure how this will go. It’s new for me.

It’s about time.

Later.

Doug

I am pretty sure that it’s not going to happen.