This is my Aunt Kit. I was her Godson. She really loved me. For no good reason. It wasn’t that I did anything to deserve her love. I don’t even remember when her birthday was. I never gave her a card or a present.
She used to take me into Ely’s Department Store in Doylestown, in the week before Christmas. She would ask me what I wanted. I remember once saying that I needed a winter coat, when really I wanted to take it back and exchange it for a whole bunch of stuff. The coat had a big price tag.
I remember feeling bad about that, but repeating the process.
Aunt Kit was the best. I loved her back. I truly believe that she wanted me sober. We were very much alike. She drank too much, I drank too much.
She gave me an AA Step Book once, that had been given to her. Just out of the blue! I think I was in College then, maybe 20 years old. Did she see in me what I could not see for myself?
I think so. She was trying to save me from ending up like her.
She was not a happy person, married her deceased sister’s husband, after she was jilted by her first love. She then did her best to raise her two nieces as her daughters.
In the end, it didn’t go well. When alcoholism is involved, it never ends well.
My wife often says that it is very hard to get sober if you can’t recognize unconditional love. I could feel it in the rooms if AA, because it is how Aunt Kit loved me.
Indirectly, she did actually play a big part in my sobriety and in my life.
She is one of the people from my past, that I stay sober and active in AA for. We call those living amends.
Aunt Kit. Coach Mike Pettine. Coach Wayne Hardin. John Erik.
There are so many people from my past that contributed to this life I live now. Thank you.
You know, I started this blog as a diary for my kids to have, when I am gone. I wanted them to know me. I never really knew my dad, inside.
My dad functioned somehow for the last 20 years of his life, powered by the guilt he felt over a truly terrible thing he did. I can’t discuss this much here, but I am sure of this.
He felt so bad that he tried really hard to be better. A better man. He once told me he wanted to kill himself, but he couldn’t do that to my oldest, Down’s Syndrome brother, Skipper, Ralph Gray Shobert the 2nd.
I understand this kind of motivation. All we alcoholics do. The only way to feel forgiven and to forgive ourselves, is to do better.
That is what grown ups do. Take responsibility and do better.
Thanks Aunt Kit for my life. I am doing better. Not just feeling better, I’m doing better. Taking action. Time to shower and head to the Clubhouse.